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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|